la la la la la la ur standing on my neck

yeah i've been thinking about lately, especially today adn yesturday since all i did was watch daria and other equally depressing movies/tv shows/books. and it got me seriously thinking about myself, well not my whole self but mostly my self induced isolation. i know in the end being isolated is the best thing for me but its so hard sometimes to just not be apart of anything, i feel like an alien no matter where i go. i dont even remember what its like to raelly truely and honestly have a friend and i dont want sympathy from ppl cause i choose to be isolated, i made a conscience discion to be anti social, well i dont know if it was all me but once i realized that no matter what i'll never truely fit in with the ppl that surround me i decided i would stay isolated, its made me a stronger, smater person today. but honestly i find it totally depressing that i care more about the ppl in my books/tv shows/movies then i do about the real ppl that surround me. but my anti-socialness is at the weird boarderline point where i'm kinda scared to even attempt to get close to ppl. i just hate feeling like this. i dont even know what i'm suppose to be doing anymore. i cant deal with it. i've almost lost hope in all humanity. someone once said to me, but ur human so ur part of humanity. but seriously i dont even feel like i'm apart of humanity..........i cant deal with this anymore.........i hate being anti social.........i hate being me......fuck all this shit........i'm done................


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